Alone

We live our lives seeking the comfort of others, hoping to find that other soul to compete us. I’m not sure what the total drive is to find this essence, the being that we feel is our other half. I myself have been on that mission since I was maybe 16 and started feeling that something was missing. I discovered that having someone that is there and you know intimately, both physically and emotionally, is a feeling that can not compare. However this other soul should be an essence that serves to enhance our being, not become something that eclipses our own essence. They should work together to achieve greatness within the world, hand in hand. I think we as a people search specifically for the feeling of intense love that we have in the beginning of our relationships, we forget that it will fade and you will be left with something that is even better, a love that will not fade. It is the intense love that will eventually fade, and if that is all the relationship has, it will fail. This is what I see happening all around me and it has happened in my own relationships as well… and I have been helpless to stop it. Now I can stand alone and look, and know the truth… and I can stand knowing that it does not take another being to complete me, but it would be nice to have someone to turn to.

(About the Photo: A Long figure in the sunset at Lakeshore Park on the Ross Barnett Reservoir, Mississippi.)

I Don't

I don’t know where I am going…
So I follow you.
I don’t trust my words…
So I let you speak.
I don’t trust my feelings…
So I seek your guidance.
I don’t trust my rhythm…
So I let you lead.
I don’t know why it’s dark…
So I let you be my light.
I don’t know how to go on…
So I let you carry me.
I don’t know how to understand…
So I let you teach.
I don’t know who to trust…
So I turn to you.
I don’t know who to love…
So I love you.
I don’t know who to thank…
So I thank you.

Photo: Brighton, UK March 2009 at night from the palace pier.

Something Is Different...

Something is different from all the others, something doesn’t belong. The more you look and the more you see, the more pronounced the differences become. Keep looking, look closer, and see if you can spot it… when you discover you may very well be shocked….

The thing that doesn’t belong…

Is me.

Finding Yourself

You never expect to play a part, to fall so deep into a role that you lose yourself so completely that you are shocked when you finally recognize yourself in the mirror. As we sit going through the things that we forgot, things that are now so foreign… and yet they are a part of ourselves. And then there are times when you finally realize how unique you really are, and how the beauty slipped through your fingers… and the stars fall from the sky like shimmers of glitter into a sea of black… and you are left with the impression of fleeting loss… and it is hard to explain, and you feel so alone, and it takes a magical moment for the stars to reappear. It is when you can finally see things the way they are, that you can finally feel whole again, finally comfortable in your own skin.

About the Image: A Carolina Anole common to Mississippi is known for its chameleon like camouflage to disappear from predators.

Home

Through our lives we will call many places “home,” but consistently we forget what home is. I’ve found myself looking for home recently, and I have yet to find what makes me feel at home. There are many places that I once felt was home, but they are all in the past… presently I am lost… not sure where to turn…

About the Image: Although I have lost the feeling of “home” my home state is Mississippi, it is a beautiful place in many ways… this Cyprus swamp is on the walking trail to Mays Lake at Lefleur’s Bluff State Park in Jackson, Mississippi.

The Tide

I had the world at my fingers, and it slipped away… I watched it shatter at my feet broken and distorted. I was lost, not sure what to do, everything lay at my feet… all that I worked for, all that was to be, lost in one moment.

Then, something happened. I am not sure when, but I was handed another reality… one that I have trouble comprehending, one where everything is the opposite than it once was. Before I did not have control, I had no say in everything that once transpired… that has changed… now I am rebuilding something, I see a light. Just one problem….

Is it what I really want?

I think so.

Yes, I do.

(This was a rainbow that appeared over Flowood, Mississippi on 12-July-2009 at the Dogwood shopping center. It was unique in that it was not raining that day, just a few clouds, and yet the rainbow was the brightest I have seen in a long while.)

Perseverance

Dark clouds tend to gather at times when they are not needed, and they threaten to ruin every chance for sun possible. But the sun is triumphant, returning even after the darkest days, providing light and warmth… just when you thought you would never see it again.

We often forget that things will soon be better, especially in our darkest moments when we are blinded by self-pity. When the clouds do part and we do finally receive warmth and light, we often do not know how we allowed ourselves sink so deep into the darkness of despair. I am personally very guilty of this very thing, and in my darkest moments, it is very hard to remind yourself that it will get better… and perseverance does not always seem like an option. However even the largest deserts have an end, and the gifts of the journey make it worth it in the long run.

(Photo: Crossgates Lake in Brandon, Mississippi.)

Dreams

Dreams start out as small streams flowing through our lives, and as we go forward… they grow. Soon our dreams are so big, that they overflow their original banks and spill over into every aspect of our lives.

Suddenly we are faced with a question, what do we do with this?

The answer is simple, and often over looked. Jump in feet first, and let it surround you... you never really know what is possible.

(About the photo: The Mississippi River in Vicksburg, Mississippi at Sunset.)